Have you ever seen the show “*You Can’t Ask That”* on Netflix and thought, ‘I wish I could ask wedding photographers some of *those* questions’?

Well, you’re not alone! I love watching that show and hearing people answer the kinds of questions most of us would be too afraid to ask out loud. So, in the spirit of oversharing and off-season fun, I decided to round up some of the most eyebrow-raising, awkward, and just plain curious questions people have for wedding photographers—and answer them *honestly*.

“Why are wedding photographers so expensive? You just press a button, right?”

Ah, yes, the ol’ “just press a button” myth. If only! Wedding photography is part art, part marathon, part stress management, and part ninja-level problem-solving. That “button press” comes after years of experience, thousands of dollars in gear, countless hours of editing, and knowing how to wrangle tipsy groomsmen into looking like functional humans. So, it’s a bit more than a button press. Then add on the countless hours of prep time before the big day, on top of all the work that happens after the big day. Culling, color correcting, skin retouching, editing random nonsense out of the background, album creation, social media posts, sneak peeks….the list goes on, and on….and on! Wedding photography is like an iceberg, you only see the button press, but I promise there’s a ton more you don’t see.

“Can you Photoshop me to look… better?”

Define “better.” If you mean fixing a rogue pimple or that one random hair sticking up like an antenna, sure! If you mean you want me to turn you into a completely different person by reshaping your body to look like Sabrina Carpenter, that’s above my pay grade (and also unnecessary because you look amazing already).

“What do you do if the couple isn’t photogenic?”

First of all, I strongly believe that everyone is photogenic with the right lighting, angles, direction and encouragement! It’s my job to bring out those natural moments where you look effortlessly in love (and not like you’re being held hostage by your wedding photographer with cheesy smiles that scream “help me!”).

“Have you ever thought, ‘This marriage won’t last’ while shooting a wedding?”

Oofda. I’d love to say no… but sometimes, the vibes are off. If the only time they make eye contact is when they’re cutting the cake, or one of them is throwing more heart eyes at the bartender than their spouse… Truthfully I just try to sweep those invasive thoughts out of my brain and focus on capturing every moment possible. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what I think. My job is to capture the memories and deliver a beautiful gallery.

“What’s the Craziest thing you’ve seen at a wedding?”

Oh, where do I even begin? A bride who got completely wasted BEFORE the ceremony. The strangely politically charged wedding where everyone was chanting various phrases during dinner. The bridesmaids who started taking their dresses off on the dance floor….before the children had all left. The father of the bride who threw a literal screaming tantrum in front of everyone. The relative who was NOT invited and showed up anyway, who then hid in the bushes during the ceremony so they could still watch. Weddings are wild for many reasons, and I have photographic evidence of it all.

“Do you judge couples based on their wedding?”

Not judge, per se… but do I take mental notes on the wedding choices? Absolutely. If there’s a nacho bar and a dog ring bearer, I’m super excited. If you give me 2 hours for portraits, I need to figure out how to book more people like you! If your best man makes me sit through an hour-long speech about the first time he met both of you, I’m gonna need a drink…or two.

“What’s the worst bridezilla moment you’ve witnessed?”

I’m happy to say that MOST of my clients over the last nearly 19 years have been nothing but amazing, wonderful and kind humans. However, there have been a few who let their stress get the best of them. The worst one I can recall is a bride who could not stop yelling at the wedding party all day. If they were walking too slow, yelling. If they were walking too fast, yelling. At one point, she even resorted to cursing and name calling…loudly…in a very public area. I wish I was kidding.

“Has anyone ever refused to pay you after the wedding?”

No one has outright refused to pay, but I’ve had 2 or 3 couples “forget” to pay their invoice by the final due date. I have a pretty strict procedure in place for that situation, along with a new contract they have to sign. Long story short, pay me, or you don’t get your photos (I don’t work for exposure, folks.)

“What do you do if a guest gets in your way with their phone?”

I give them the mom look. And if that doesn’t work, I’ve mastered the art of the polite but firm “excuse me, but can you please move your phone out of the way?” with a polite smile and a gentle tap on the shoulder. Wedding photography is basically 50% taking pictures and 50% dodging Uncle Bob’s iPad.

“Do you ever delete bad photos so the couple never sees them?”

1000% yes. No one needs to see the mid-blink, mid-sneeze, or mid-chew photos. Remember that terrible photo of Beyonce that was floating around the internet a few years back? THOSE are the types of photos we send to the trash bin. Consider it a gift.

“How do you handle annoying drunk guests?”

With patience, a fake laugh, and a promise to take just one more photo… which is usually the 27th “one more.” Thankfully, I have a lot of experience with drunk and unruly people due to my previous EMT experience. I’ve found that you can usually persuade them to chill out, or go elsewhere, with the promise of food. I’ve only had to be mean once, which involved me putting my flash directly in the guy’s eyes and holding the shutter (RIP to his eyeballs)….but that’s what you get when you act like a perv towards a wedding photographer.

“What happens when you don’t get fed at weddings?”

Pure hangry rage. Just kidding….kind of. We’re on our feet for hours though, with minimal time to sit, take a break, go to the bathroom, or even drink water. So on the incredibly rare occasion I’m not given any food, I’ve ordered DoorDash to the venue with no regrets.

“What happens if you accidentally miss a big moment?”

I work very very hard to make sure that never, ever happens. However, if it did due to some rare situation (camera failure, attacked by a bird, Uncle Bob strikes again and stands in my way, etc), I’d let my couple know what happened and we’d aim to stage the moment so they can have a proper photo of it.

“Have you ever had to tell a couple their wedding photos were ruined?”

Thankfully, no! I take every precaution humanly possible to make sure that doesn’t happen. Multiple cameras, backups, and backups of the backups…and sometimes even a backup of the backup backup. Losing wedding photos is my personal nightmare.

“Do you secretly have favorite weddings (or couples)?”

Yes. And no, I won’t tell you which ones. But if you had an incredible dinner and a killer dance party, you might be on the list.

“Have you ever caught a guest doing something they shouldn’t have?”

Sure have. Drunk uncle sneaking a whole bottle of wine? Yup. Bridesmaid making out with a groomsman who was not her date? Check. Flower girl eating cake with her bare hands before it was even cut? An absolute classic.

“What do you do if a family hates the bride or groom?”

Smile, take the photos, and pretend not to notice the passive-aggressive body language. You wouldn’t believe how many “family” photos have a solid three feet of space between certain members. Let’s just say it’s pretty obvious when everyone is mad at grandma.

“Has a couple ever asked you to edit out an ex from their photos?”

Not only have they asked to edit out an ex, they’ve asked to have family members edited out. It wasn’t too long ago I had a couple who asked to have a cheating parent edited out of the family portraits. Say no more friend, I got you covered.

“Have you ever had to deal with a wardrobe malfunction… or worse?”

So. Many. Freaking. Times. The groom who didn’t check his fly before the ceremony (PS, it’s super great having to zoom in on 100 photos to edit THAT out). A mother of the bride with a little nip slip happening while walking down the aisle. And on more than one occasion, I’ve had a bridesmaid who was NOT wearing underwear and decided spinning or jumping while intoxicated was a good choice. Thank goodness for photoshop AND the delete button.

“What’s the worst wedding trend you wish would go away?”

Taking one gigantic group photo toward the end of the night—it’s like herding wet cats in formalwear.

"You Can't Ask That" - Wedding Photographer Edition